i kind of had a crisis on the airplane today.  well, on only one of the airplanes... and it wasn't exactly a crisis.  i should explain.

so i'm reading this ok book (interesting but much too colloquial to be considered properly academic in my not-so-humble opinion) on evangelism.  it's interesting for sure, but i have encountered a difficulty.  she speaks a lot about talking to others about our personal faith journeys and speaking about our personal relationships with jesus.  ok, well this is something i need to deal with because i don't think i have one.  i am a christian and believe in jesus and love jesus and all, but as for personal designation of relationship i'm a total spirit girl.

see this is, in part, my thinking: jesus was down here on earth.  jesus has and always been awesome (non-surfer usage for this currently back in the o.c. girl).  then jesus beamed out of here and left the Holy Spirit?  with me so far?  ok, so what i don't get is, presuming that jesus has returned to be with the father and left the HS here on earth, why is it that i'm supposed to have a personal relationship with jesus (i should be capitalizing all the deity references - sorry) and feel like an outsider because the part of the trinity i most identify with is indeed the HS?

the HS and i are buds.  she keeps me company and kicks my ass as need be.  also, as i pointed out in my children's sermon last sunday, she is why i can breathe and live at all*.  it is the HS that is the constant companion.  jesus does not return my phone calls.  he never writes.  i can't hang out with him.  and surely if i am going to have a "personal" relationship then there should be some element of my being able to provide something to the relationship.  i kind of think that i wouldn't be bringing an equal part into that relationship.

so i used to think that the "spirit people" were those who spoke in tongues and played with snakes and went into trances and such.  yes, i was indeed an idiot.  and now i find that i am a spirit person myself.  she's my buddy.  we hang.  she says hi with every brush of wind and i reply with every exhale.**  we are the ones left here on earth to finish the work of the kingdom.

i don't know.  this really has entered the rambling phase at this point, and i need to go to bed for it's midnight at home.  yes.  missouri i somehow now home.  odd how that happens.  in any case, your thoughts and reactions to all this would be appreciated.  obviously i'm just doing a good job of circling around myself here.  ah, well.  thanks for participating.

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*oh, and if you have any issue with the HS being feminine i don't want to talk about it.  and if you also try to pull the whole "how can the HS be feminine if jesus was conceived by he HS because then that would be a lesbian relationship?" crap on me i'm going to beat your ass because if it were a lesbian relationship there would be little to no chance of conception anyhow.  yes.  i have issues.

**does that mean in death we have the last word?  i didn't mean that.

good golly i heart footnotes!